I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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