please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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