I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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