i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
