i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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