You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I've blown a few things in my day
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
