so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Randomize
