this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
