I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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