You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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