Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
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