there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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