Ketchup is God's man juice
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
