Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
false alarm, still single
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
