I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
