I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
it hurts more in the daytime
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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