I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
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