Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
