I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
