Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
should my penis look like a turkey
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
