so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
whose parrot is this?
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
