does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
our cab driver is having phone sex.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
