She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
