His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I would fuck him just for his dog
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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