i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Randomize
