why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
