the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Your penis caused this!
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
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