lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
