listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
