yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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