I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
