he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
You know, be my cock's hype man.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Randomize
