Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
