why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
