We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
