i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
