ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize