Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
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