So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
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