Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
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