i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
