youre lurking in front of me
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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