I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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