The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
