My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize