Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
