I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Randomize
