clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
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