dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
