If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Randomize