just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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