my room smells like sperm. sweet.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Randomize
