whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
