Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
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