does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Someone came in the potted fern
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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