he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize