I wish i was in the wii world.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
