Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
