how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
