Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
operation have a gay friend backfired
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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