Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
