my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
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