Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
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