There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
